i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
