Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
