Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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