Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
