two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
