We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
