The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
