Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize