I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
