my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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