every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
