Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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