Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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