soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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