note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
