Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can't motorboat a personality
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
