I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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