I bet he comes in French.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
