My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
