I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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