I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Randomize
