What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
