Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
