As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
