If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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