The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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