I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
