physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
