You're completely useless in the revolution.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
