just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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