He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
