You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
