Umm I'm too high to move.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
