Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
