my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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