Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
