I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
