he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
