You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize