I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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