Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
