she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
