i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you had me at cake vodka
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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