Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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