On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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