I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
