You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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