Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
