I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
