i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Randomize
