I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
