sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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