She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
