how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize