just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
