I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
