You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
