I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
