She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
