i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
