Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
