I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
