saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
