i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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