lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
