there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
