well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
