did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
