after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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