I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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