I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
