My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
