I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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