My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
