I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
