I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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