Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
