you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
