oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
