I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
