I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
