Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
