I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
