this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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