so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
