just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
