He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
