I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
