3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
