I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
