i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
wow bdsm is so cute
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
