I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize