The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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