You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
