Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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