someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
