Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize