Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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