And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
