Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
