i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
