So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Be still, my beating vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize