I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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