I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
