I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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