Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
