Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
