What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize